Sunday, July 08, 2007

Portraits of a Family Vacation

Vignette I - Good Night, Sleep Tight

Me: Goodnight, [Boy], I love you.

The Boy: Goodnight Mom. Don't worry about the noise, that's just me farting.


Vignette II - Fire and Ice
(overheard in the back of the van, one hour into the trip)

Older Girl: I am the good land of Scotland and you are the attacking land of Iceland, and I have a wall up so that you cannot come over here.

The Boy (hand outstretched): Pssht - FIRE!

Older Girl: No, I have a wall up, but you can't see it.

The Boy: Pssht - FIRE!

Older Girl: It's invisible, but there is a WALL there so you can't DO that!

The Boy: Pssht - FIRE!

Older Girl: NO, [BOY]!! I have a WALL UP . . .

The Boy: Pssht - FIRE!

Older Girl (increasingly distraught): I SAID I HAVE A WALL UP!

The Boy: Pssht - FIRE!

Older Girl: This WALL is made of thick ICE so your fire can't get through it.

The Boy: Pssht - FIRE!

Older Girl: Your fire can't melt my . . .

The Boy: Pssht - FIRE!

Older Girl: NO MORE FIRE PSSHT-ING! JUST FORGET IT! I AM LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW!

The Boy (whispering): pssht - FIRE!


Vignette III - Discriminating Taste
(while dining in the very fancy, expensive hotel restaurant)

Older Girl (to the waitress): Your service here is par excellence.

Waitress (surprised): Thank you, Miss. We aim to please.

Older Girl: Well, you hit the mark at this place.

Vignette IV - How You Doin'?
(after a nice woman held the hotel door for us)

The Boy: Thank you, Ma'am.

Woman: Oh, you're welcome.

The Boy (looking her up and down slowly): Hmm. You look good.

Woman (flustered): Um . . . thank you very much.

Vignette V - So Many Choices, So Little Time
(while traveling out in the boonies)

Me: We need to find a place to eat, the kids are hungry.

Rob: Okay, let's drive around town and see what we can find.

Me: I don't think we should do fast food again. Let's try to find something halfway decent.

(we keep driving, driving, and driving, until we end up back where we started)

Rob: Well, where does this leave us - besides in Shanty Town?

Me: As far as I can see, we can pick the Whippy-Dip or we can go with Mr. Chicken or we can try something different and go for Kool's Carry-Out, Car Wash, and Dog Wash, although I'm not exactly sure what we'd be carrying out of there.

Rob: M*cDonald's it is.

Vignette VI - There's No Place Like Home
(upon arriving at the hotel)

Me: Wow, isn't this a nice place to stay?

The Boy: Yep! Can we go home now?

11 comments:

  1. Fire and Ice? Laughed 'til I cried! Sounds like your boy and mine were separated at birth. I can can almost hear my son now -
    Pssht- Fire!

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  2. Hi! I just randomly came across your blog tonight. I love your sense of humor. It sounds like your kids keep you entertained. :)

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  3. Vignette III and IV are the best! I can't wait til mine are old enough to spout such humor! Classic!!!

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  4. don't worry about the noise, mom! hahaha!

    let us know how that war between iceland and scotland works out.

    how funny.

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  5. Laughing hysterically...the par excellence started it, but the "you look good" finished me off.

    Sounds like it was wonderful!

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  6. That fire and ice gave me a good giggle. Almost sounds like me own two...except it's funnier because it's NOT my own too! LOL ;)

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  7. Trips with the offspring. Heaven.

    VERY funny!

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  8. We did the "driving around until we found something slightly healthy to eat" thing too. We also ended up at McD's. Not much out there. I love the one where the lady is holding the door open for your son. Too funny! Sounds like a fun and interesting trip:)

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  9. I should try that with my children. They're screaming and fighting and I tell them, "I have a WALL UP, you can't DO that!"

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  10. LOVE IT!! Dear God, I needed a laugh. The fire thing? PRICELESS!

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  11. I love it. Older Girl can't believe that The Boy doesn't get it...that her fantasy outweighs HIS! He knows better! ...beautiful

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