Did anyone else's family ever say that phrase? "Quick like a bunny?" I say that to the kids all the time, and sometimes I wonder if other people think I'm off my rocker.
Of course, I am off my rocker, but let's not split hairs. Now is the time for some quick-like-a-bunny takes with Conversion Diary.
Certain children in this household hate to bathe. I mean, they loathe the thought of showering with a burning passion. You would think I was asking them to take a dip in an acid bath they way they drag their feet and stall and refuse. It is ridiculous.
All this makes me feel like something has gone terribly awry with my parenting. I'm not sure why I feel this way -- maybe because I would pay a king's ransom to be left alone in the shower for a full ten minutes. I can't understand why a person would not want to avail themselves of hot and cold running water, for which someone else pays the bill, and the luxury of the time to enjoy it.
I can't be the only one who has kids who hate taking the time to wash up. Right?!?!? Just say yes.
Also from the These Ridiculous Children File: the daily workout saga.
In an effort to be feel better, healthier, and a little more sane, I've been getting on the treadmill regularly. Even though our treadmill is firmly in the There Be Monsters territory of the basement playroom, I get myself down there in the morning for at least 30 minutes. Longer if I can get away with it.
Herein lies the problem: my children go batsh!t crazy as soon as I step on the treads. I'm sorry to put it that way, but it's the simple truth. They act like they have been possessed by the personalities of monkeys on crack. It's similar to the problem of being on the phone for an important reason and having your formerly sweet, quiet children turn into raging lunatics who must! tell! you! this! right! NOW!!!!!
I always make sure the house is orderly and people have eaten and are engaged in some kind of appropriate activity (i.e.: no one has scissors or Sharpie markers or gum or stickers or glitter). Once everyone is settled and the baby is asleep for his morning nap, I hop on to the treadmill.
I am not exaggerating one bit when I tell you that I was shouting instructions to people from the treadmill at the 1:37 minute mark. ONE MINUTE AND THIRTY SEVEN SECONDS of good solid exercise down, 28+ minutes of panting/yelling to go.
It doesn't even matter what the problem is because it is always, always, trivial crap. So instead of relieving stress through exercise, my heart feels like it is exploding and I am going deaf from trying to drown them out with the music in my headphones.
And people wonder why I don't love exercising.
A friend suggested to me that I get up earlier and exercise while the kids are asleep and before Rob goes to work.
I just . . . can't. I know that sounds so lame, but I just can't do it. And I know every fitness instructor on the planet would say, "Can't isn't part of your vocabulary!! You just WON'T do it!!"
Okay, fine. I just won't.
I wake up at 4:30 most mornings to feed the baby and Rob usually leaves the house by 6:30. I've tried getting on the treadmill at 5 or 5:30, but my children have come equipped with some kind of supernatural radar system that alerts them to the presence of a parent desperately trying to do something - anything!! - without them.
I even do a contorted kind of dance in the hallway to miss the creaky boards and I don't put my shoes on until I am all the way in the basement. But no matter. I'll be on the treadmill for no more than 3 minutes when I hear the tell tale sound of the basement door creaking open.
So, no, imaginary fitness instructor, I am not getting up at 4 to exercise.
Since I'm talking about exercise, I am going to milk it for 3 whole takes.
I am on week 4 of the Couch to 5K app and I can see that I still really don't like running, but I would like to run another 5K because those are fun.
I didn't think I needed to do the Couch to 5K program because I've already done a 5K, but then I did the math and I realized that the last 5K I ran was 12 years ago. I haven't been completely sedentary during those intervening years - 7 kids will NEVER EVER allow sedentary!! -- but it's more than fair to say that I haven't been running regularly.
Couch to 5K is great because it has gotten me back into running in a pretty auto-pilot way. I've done high intensity interval training in the past, but I always found it hard to keep track of my program while I was doing it. I have gone so far to tape large posters on the wall or the treadmill to remind me of when to switch activities.
C25K has a pleasant British lady named Alison who reminds me when to run and when to walk, so all I need to do is press start. I need something easy like that to counteract the frenzied baboon colony that hangs out with me in the basement.
All that being said, I still feel like running is mostly penitential for me, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. I need some more penance in my life.
I thought this summer was going to drag by at a glacial pace and I was dreading it. Doesn't that just show you the fun kind of mom I am?
I don't do well without the externally imposed structure of the school year, and last summer I felt like I was literally being suffocated by small children. Of course, I was pregnant at the time so that could be a large part of it, but still . . . I am in that pretty physically intense phase of Babies, Babies, Everywhere and Not A Minute To Do Anything Else Ever.
Instead, this summer has flown by. My kids go back to school in less than 3 weeks and I have no supplies for them, no uniforms, and no desire to get them. Knowing how crowded the uniform store gets at this time of year, I should get over there pronto.
I'm sure not being pregnant and sick and exhausted has had a great effect on my energy level and time management, but I also feel like the end of summer has crept up on me and I am scrambling to fit in a few last minute fun things.
SIX and SEVEN
You know what? There are no legit 6th or 7th takes. Lo siento.
I have been trying to write this post since last night and I keep getting monumentally interrupted. I have gone too far now to scrap it all, but I am also out of time to dilly dally.
I'm supposed to be cleaning my house and getting ready to host my sister's bridal shower this weekend -- meanwhile, Rob's working this weekend, 3 of the kids have a birthday party, Francie has a movie date with a friend and color guard practice . . . you know, life and stuff. I have to dash.
Have a great weekend, my friends!