Upon hearing about a friend's good fortune, I thought OMYGOSHTHAT'SSOGREATI'MHAPPYFORTHEMWHYTHEM?WHYNOW?WHYNOTSOMETHINGCOOLUPMYALLEY?
It just whooshed through my brain like, one big run-on sentence of small mindedness.
I hate this part of myself; this grasping, ungrateful part of myself. I work very hard to keep myself from these sins of pride and covetousness, but I can honestly say that they always seem to be right at the top of my confession hit list.
One Lent, I went to Stations and there was a meditation regarding jealous feelings. The prayer challenged me to not only count my blessings, but to pray for more blessings to be bestowed upon the target of my jealousy.
It's that kind of prayer that can really show me how hard my heart can be at times.
I can usually remain mindful of my own abundant blessings, but to pray for overflowing blessings upon a person of whom I may not think kindly or when there is a stubborn kernel of jealousy sticking in my craw? Well, let's just say it's not a natural inclination. At all.
But to be humble, truly humble; to wish others well even when things are not as I would have them; to have a loving and joyful response to other's good fortune be my first and only response will be a transformation of character that can only be accomplished on my knees.
I'm working on it, my friends.
Litany of Humility (emphasis mine)
O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart. Hear me!
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved . . .
From the desire of being extolled . . .
From the desire of being honored . . .
From the desire of being praised . . .
From the desire of being preferred to others . .
.
From the desire of being consulted . . .
From the desire of being approved . . .
From the fear of being humiliated . . .
From the fear of being despised . . .
From the fear of suffering rebukes . . .
From the fear of being calumniated . . .
From the fear of being forgotten . . .
From the fear of being ridiculed . . .
From the fear of being wronged . . .
From the fear of being suspected . . .
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I . . .
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may
decrease . . .
That others may be chosen and I set aside . .
That others may be praised and I unnoticed . .
That others may be preferred to me in everything . . .
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as
holy as I should . . .
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val
(1865-1930)
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X
