Hi. Can we talk for a minute?
I just saw your movie Becoming Jane, and I wanted to inform you of a thrilling advancement in your career. I have moved you to the tippy top of my Pretend Boyfriend List (also known as my Movie Boyfriend List).
Aren't you excited? I thought you might be.
You see, my husband and I are completely fine with the other having a movie crush. He lets me giggle over you and Colin Firth, and I let him get Kate Winslet movies from Netflix under my name. It's a win-win. We have always been able to appreciate that there are just some people out there who are excellent actors, and who also happen to be very easy on the eyes.
I also feel compelled to point out that you are Scottish and you have lovely, twinkly blue eyes (I picked that up by watching Becoming Jane approximately two and a half times over the course of a week. I had to do something while the kids were sleeping and I was feeding the baby, right?) My husband Rob is also Scottish and he has lovely, twinkly blue eyes as well. Reminding me of my darling earns you big points as a PBF. But while Rob looks great in a kilt (killer legs from all that running), he does not have the accent. I heart the accent. The accent goes a long way in getting you to the top of the list (see: Colin Firth).
I have to admit that I first saw you in Atonement with Keira Knightley (another one of Rob's PGFs, although he always wants to give her a cupcake or something), and I thought you were very, very good. However, in all honesty, I thought the chemistry was better between you and Anne Hathaway. I am a sucker for a period drama full of hooded eyes and smoldering glances. Boy did you ever deliver the smoldering glances! I was nearly singed in my seat.
So what does being on my PBF list mean for you? Pretty much nothing, since I don't ever see any movies at the theater anymore, but you will be happy to know that I am not the crazy fan type. (I certainly would never, say, as a teenager, spend all of my babysitting money on hundreds of VHS tapes to tape, replay, and memorize dialogue from shows like Scarecrow and Mrs. King just because I was in love with Bruce Boxleitner.)
If I ever did meet you in person, I'm sure that I would be very calm and not geek out at all. I would just tell you that I think your work is brilliant, and then I would make you say the word brilliant back to me because, well, you know, the accent. But I'm sure that will never come to pass, so you can rest easy.
Besides, it's really better this way, Jamie (can I call you Jamie? Oh good, I thought so). We're both happily married and I am older than you and saggy from being the pod for four children. It's better that I just crush on you from afar without knowing all of your annoying habits or idiosyncrasies. I might even get tired of the accent.
Kidding. I would never get tired of the accent.
Keep up the good work, since I'm sure that you would be loathe to relinquish the top spot. I know the real reason you chose to be an actor was to make American housewives swoon a little and want to kiss their husbands. A noble profession, indeed.
PS: Go on and spill it, my friends. Who is your PBF/PBG?