Thursday, July 26, 2007

Recipes NOT Intended for General Consumption

I've mentioned my long standing affair with Weight Watchers in previous posts. Our first fling was very successful, but subsequent rendezvous did not turn out as expected. Mostly due to my complete failure to, you know, show up for dates and count out my points in a loving way. We parted ways between my pregnancies with The Boy and Baby Girl, but I am hoping for a reconciliation, if they'll have me back. (Which I am sure they will, since they make a pretty penny off of slow losers like me).

I've had friends who have joined me in Weight Watchers, and one of them brought these unflaggingly wretched recipes to my attention. Apparently, the author of this site found these recipes from Weight Watchers (circa 1974) while helping their parents clean out the basement.

Appalling is too mild a word to convey the atrocity of the food combinations in these recipes. I am even inclined to think that these are fabrications due to the fact that I can think of NO ONE that would eat these unless they are contestants on some kind of reality show. Yet, sadly, I think they may be the real deal, due to some of the recipes I've read from my parents' collection of '70's cookbooks.

One of the books was from the Welcome Wagon Society, and it was meant to welcome people to the area with tasty snack recipes, hints about stain removal, a perpetual calendar, and all kinds of other tidbits that no housewife could live without. I remember seeing notes in my mother's hand next to the stain removal section, and some of these techniques really do work very well. If the Welcome Wagon had stopped there, all would have been well, but they pressed on to the Favorite Recipes section. That was when I felt distinctly more nauseated than welcomed.

They had recipes for sandwiches called "Lunchbox Treats," and all of the recipes started with a base of bread spread thickly with butter. Not a bad thing in itself, but when you add minced beef tongue, cream cheese, pimientos, and crushed pineapples and call it "Hawaiian Delight," well that's where I've got to draw the line. I don't personally know many people in Hawaii, but I am betting dollars to donuts that they are not delighted by these sandwiches.

After reading the rest of the Lunchbox Treats section, I came to the conclusion that people in the '70's enjoyed organ meats much more than we do now, which is funny, because I don't remember eating an overabundance of liver or tongue dishes during my childhood. But my mom is clever, so who knows?

My theory on these recipe cards is that they are just so repulsive that people would rather not eat, thereby causing the weight loss. At least that's the route I would have gone. Some are scarier than others, and I'll admit that I've had variations of these recipes that are not bad, but I won't be trying these out in my kitchen any time soon.

As an added bonus, the cards feature some totally trippy set dressing and food arrangement, all of which are commented upon in hilarious detail. A warning though: there are bad words embedded in the aforementioned hilarious commentary, much worse than even pain or breast, so don't say my PG rating didn't tip you off. Go ahead, read these after lunch - I dare you!


  1. Nas-teee.

    No wonder you'd lose weight.

    You couldn't eat, or would be bathroom bound forever if you did.


  2. I agree with your theory on why they lost weight. One look at those and I have no desire to eat for the next several days. All of them are gross. And the decorative arrangements with the ceramic animals and whatnot are just freaky.

  3. Dee-scusting.

    Aim, considering where we grew up I'm sure you had your fair share of organs. Liver with onions. Pig stomach. Beef or chicken hearts. Stuffing made with the packet of innards that comes with the turkey/chicken. Not to mention liver pudding, pot pudding and whatever scrapple is made out of.
    My cousin and I used to fight over the gizzards every Thanksgiving.

    You ate the stuff, your brain is just protecting your stomach my suppressing the memories... or you guessed correctly about your mom's creativity.

  4. Wow! look at those typos. Can you tell I haven't finished my coffee yet?

  5. The melon thing totally looked like brains. ick.

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  7. If those were still Weight Watchers foods i would be FATTER than when i started because i would need to eat EXTRA food to balance out having to even LOOK at those cards, let alone consider EATING them.
    They are just not right.

  8. ROTFL!! I remember my mom frying up some luscious chicken gizzards.

    I agree with Jenn: "Nas.Tee." Love the picks and pans there!

  9. Anonymous3:41 PM

    We did eat our fair share of scrapple and I also made liver with bacon and onions,however Daddy wasn't so fond of it...remember when we used to buy half a steer from the farmer each year? We kept the ground beef,steaks and roasts.The butcher threw in the sweetbreads(do you remember which delicacy they are?),as well as the tongue,liver,and heart. We gave them to June and Ray who were absolutlely delighted with the gift. By the way,bloggers,June and Ray were Pennsylvania German(complete with accents)and Ray was born and raised on a farm in Kutztown,PA...real old-school "Dutchies"...and after eating a lifetime of organs,Ray lived (fully alert)to the ripe-old age of 94. June is still kicking at 93...


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