In Which I realize a 5lb weight loss does not a Total Body Lift Make

WARNING: This post contains references to my underwear. Nothing bad, just factual. If that's too much for you, then I suggest you stop reading, go lie down, and fan yourself until the moment passes. Otherwise, intrepid friends, read on:


I'm sure you've all read about my weight loss goals (all 3 of you who read this, that is), and maybe you've seen by my little sidebar ticker that I've lost 5 pounds so far (did you? did you notice? huh, huh, well didya?). I know it doesn't seem like much, a drop in the bucket for me really, but it's still 5 pounds that are no longer hanging on me. Not being a stranger to the weight loss circuit, I actually do feel pretty good about my start, even if it is slow, because I know that slow and steady win the race. However, I am also a sucker for instant gratification, which is probably the reason why I need to lose weight in the first place. I'm like everyone else, I like to see some results for these interminable hours few weeks of rumbling tummy and early morning treadmill rendezvous. (I'm of the taller variety, so I usually need to lose about 15 pounds before anyone even notices. But on the "bright" side, I can usually hide those extra pounds a little more easily than someone smaller.)
So color me happy this morning when, after stepping out of the shower, I pulled up the old underoos and found that they were Too Big! And not just a little roomy, but otherwise ok; London Bridge was falling down, people! Damn, woman, I thought to myself, you are burning off those calories left, right, and center. Pretty soon you will be HAWT! (yeah, that's an example of my positive self-talk. It needs some work.)
Still all pumped up, I went to find a pair of underwear that I wouldn't have to spend all day pulling up from knees, and that's when I burst my own bubble. As I was folding the Too Big Underwear, I noticed that the label said "maternity." This was one last stray pair of maternity underwear that had escaped the Purge of All Pregnant Clothes that I determined would help keep me accountable in my weight loss goals. It was hiding in the back of my drawer, just waiting for its moment to trick me into thinking that I was actually getting smaller.
So, friends, I am getting there, just not as quickly as my underwear led me to believe. I will just have to focus on the 5 pounds gone and look forward to the day when my real underwear is too big. But first, I am going on a search and destroy mission through my drawer to make sure all those maternity undies are gone. Underwear can be so cruel.