Sunday, April 11, 2010

Fingers Crossed That I Don't Burn Up On Re-Entry





Oh Lord, my friends, she's just so sweet.

No one around this joint can keep their hands off of her, so it's a good thing that she likes to be snuggled, preferably in the crook of your arm.

I've wanted to come here so many times last week, just to write down all the lovely little bits about her. Like the way she smells like milk and sleep ... or the way she constantly smiles in her baby dreams ... or the way she makes sounds like a kitten when she is drifting off ... or the way I lean down to kiss her and then draw in a deep breath of her neck ...

Obviously, I never made it. But you understand, I know. Even now I am typing this one-handed as Mopsy uses me for a pillow.

Monday is Rob's last day of vacation and then I'm on full time HomeFront duty once more. I am so grateful that Rob had a week of vacation that he could use for Mopsy's homecoming; I know many dads who would love to be home in those early days but cannot. This past week we've just been cocooned with all our little chicks, enjoying a babymoon of sorts.

I am a little nervous about what the new normal routine will look like. I know it will all work out over time, but I like to joke that Rob is like my heat shield. He protects me from the rigors of re-entering the atmosphere of Planet Newborn. Without him, I get a little fried before it's all over.

But I can't deny that things feel a little different this time around; a little more peaceful, a little quieter than the homecomings of some of the other children.

It's hard for me to put my finger on just why it feels different. I'm still tired, I'm still not great with handling prolonged periods of little sleep, I'm still annoyed by the state of the house, but if I move all of that to the side, I still feel lighter and more . . . buoyant . . . than I have in a long time.

I think it's a combination of things. Superficially, I am glad to have my body back. As lumpy and saggy as it may be, it's still mine. I loved carrying Mopsy, I truly didn't mind sharing my living space with her, and her pregnancy was a good one, but the end was just a grueling haul to the finish line.

I'll still have moments when I pass a mirror and wonder where that big round belly went and I'll feel a little wistful. And then I'll sit comfortably behind the steering wheel and breathe deeply and I won't feel the least bit wistful.

Besides the physical pain, I spent a lot of time at the end of this pregnancy dealing with almost overwhelming fear. About everything. I wasn't having panic attacks or anything that severe, and I'll elaborate more when I finally finish my post on Mopsy's birth, but there were moments when I was almost crippled by fear. I accomplished very little during those last days.

I've had some rough times with post partum depression after some of the other children, most notably Fiver, so I always try to keep that on my radar. More importantly, Rob keeps that on his radar since I cannot always be relied upon to recognize what's going on with my own brain.

I guess only time and hormone levels will tell, but I'm not getting the sense that I'm headed in that direction. I can't explain it, it's just a gut feeling. I'm sure I'll get blue - I always do - and I know I'll get frazzled and a little strung out before we all settle in, but I'm rolling with it.

I can only concentrate on one day, one hour, one moment at a time. Right now, spring has sprung. Right now, the days are sunny and flowers are everywhere. Right now, I have a sleepy and delicious new baby. Right now, I am happy and thankful for tender mercies.

Right now, I am going to live. I am going to enjoy. Period.


14 comments:

  1. Enjoy the sights and smells -- one day (one moment) at a time.
    :-)

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  2. She is beautiful and you are amazing (and so is Rob!)!! Your house looks great, you looked SO happy when I saw you on Saturday! You did not seem 'blue' at all. I know you will all find your new routine, take a lot of time to enjoy that precious little girl. Everything else will get done eventually!! Call anytime you need anything.

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  3. Oh how I love that sweetness! So glad you had some time with Rob at home before you have to fly solo. I know that helped me so, so much! One moment at a time sounds like a good philosophy to me- I think I will adopt it as well :)

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  4. She is just perfect!!! Congrats to you and your gorgeous family :)

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  5. One moment at a time, soak up the sweetness and put blinders on to household chores...it'll get done..whenever. I'm home and only a phone call away AND I like grocery shopping. :-)

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  6. Aren't you amazing? I still remember after my second child when my hubby went back to work. Fear nearly strangled me. You can't leave me! I may have cried as he headed out of the house. The third time, I felt so much more prepared.

    The best antidote to baby blues is sleep. Everything is better and more manageable with sleep. Snatch it when you can, mama.

    So happy for you!

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  7. Love the sleeper. I am kind of in love with elephants on baby clothes.

    So glad to hear things are going well and that you are feeling a peace that was perhaps unexpected. I have had my share of anxiety this pregnancy, for no good reason other than I feel as though we are pushing our luck to expect a healthy baby after already being blessed with five. Thankfully it is usually fleeting.

    I hope things continue to go so well. I'm sure there will be moments of complete frustration and some tears (from everyone!) but y'all will be fine. Praying for you. :)

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  8. Anonymous10:23 AM

    Enjoy- that is what life is really meant for anyway! She is adorable (as are all of your kids) but how do you keep yourself from just gobbling up those cheeks????
    Good luck with everything- you will be great!
    Mirabella Mom

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  9. She is gorgeous! Enjoy your precious time with her now because as you know it is fleeting. I am so glad you are feeling buoyant. You have lots of good help around so make sure you put those older kids to work! :)

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  10. That is a great way to be- Just Live. Be buoyant and enjoy Mopsey with your family. I will pray that re-entry is seamless ;)

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  11. Oh, Aimee, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! (Give her a snuggle for me; I won't likely have more sweet bundles of my own and am only just realizing it. It is such a sweet, wonderful time. And she is just beautiful.)

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  12. She is totally the cutest thing ever! Love the cheeks!
    My prayers are with you--BTDT on the post partum depression. I hope all will go well!

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  13. She's gorgeous!! Congratulations. I'm jealous... :)

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