Did you ever have one of those days where you got all caught up talking with a person and then, later on, you started to feel really badly about all the things you were talking about because you probably just should have kept your mouth shut?
No? Just me? I figured.
I have an annoying habit of replaying every conversation of the day in my head and then obsessing over what I said and if I conveyed my meaning properly. Was my friend upset? Did I use the wrong tone? Was I trying to help or was I just gossiping? I don't think I was gossiping, but now I'm not sure. Ack!
I've done this for a long time, and it is a sickness.
Today was one of those days. I got caught up in a conversation which, when I did my mental playback, just started to feel icky. Not that either my friend or myself meant to be gossipy, but our conversation sort of devolved into the smarmy range and I regret that. We weren't talking about a specific person and we weren't being malicious, we were just jacking our jaws about a situation in which we have only a peripheral involvement.
I am a sharer by nature, hence this blog, and I love to be the one to spread good news. Unfortunately, I admit that I have been known to get a little thrill out of sharing some hush-hush news as well. I do not delight in other people's misfortune, but I do like to be on the inside of the information loop.
I heartily dislike this flaw of mine, and I have tried hard over the years to curb my tendencies to be the town crier. I purposely deny myself the task of telling tales. If I happen to hear something interesting, I force myself to keep my mouth shut.
Of course, sometimes I look like an idiot when another person finds out something I already knew. Why didn't you tell me that before? Um, because I have diarrhea of the mouth and this is my way to staunch the flow. Well, you could have told me at least. Um, yeah. No. It's an all or nothing kind of deal.
So tonight I will retire to bed, say an Act of Contrition, and ask God to keep His arm around my shoulder and His hand over my mouth.
What about you, my friends? Do you ever feel this way?
(And yes, I realize the complete and total irony of soliciting answers to questions about talking too much and trying to keep one's mouth shut. I'm a work in progress.)