To My Love, on Our Anniversary

I was busily herding the children out of Target a few days ago when something caught my eye and I turned my head. A man was helping his wife out of her wheelchair and into their car.

There was nothing unusual about the act; in fact I have seen many people helping loved ones in and out of wheelchairs and cars. The thing that struck me was the look on the man's face. He was not impatient, he was not rushing her, he was not disinterested. He was focused solely on her, and he was looking at her with love. He was just there for her.

The whole scene took me back to when I was dating Rob. No, he was not helping me in and out of wheelchairs at Target. We were just young and totally in love and sweeping each other off our respective feet (even though we did not live near each other and never got to see each other, but that's a completely different post). The "falling in love" part of our relationship was fantastic.

One night, after it became apparent that Rob was around for the long haul, my mom and I were talking and she said, You know, Aim, sex doesn't last forever. That all consuming attraction will disappear after time. Sometimes it's just faded, but sometimes it's gone forever, and the only thing you have left are communication and your commitment to be together.

After I got done thinking, Eww, eww, eww, I hope she doesn't keep talking about sex (I was a very mature nineteen year old), I put her words in the back of my mind and went on to marry Rob and found The HomeFront Corp. You know, the business of life and all that.

But now? Well, now I can see that my mother was right (as she often was about things in my teenage years, but let's not get into the weeds here). Sometimes I am so beleaguered by the three-foot set, that the mere thought of someone else wanting to hang on me makes me want to run for the bathroom and lock the door. Of course I still love Rob, but some days I just love him over there.

And here's the funny thing, I'm still wild about him. He still rings my bell, and I love him more now than I think I even knew how to love him when we were dating. There is still no one else that I would rather talk to before him, and, when things are bleak, there is no one else who can comfort me like him. Yet, some days, the only thing that keeps us going is our communication and commitment.

He loves me so much that he will wake from a dead sleep and get the baby, he will empty the j-trap of the gunky sink, he will insist that I go out by myself while he stays home with the kids, he will let me use the treadmill first (which might not seem like love, but it really is). He leaves me love notes when he has to be away, he brings me flowers for no reason. Many of the things I love most about him have nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with just being there.

Eleven years ago today, I said I would stay with Rob for the rest of my life, and I still mean it, even when we just have enough energy to sit next to one another. Each year with him has been the best year, and there's no one for me but him. Happy Anniversary, Rob.

This was right before the entire top of the cake fell over and hit the ground. Still don't know what my wedding cake tasted like, but I've made up for it by eating many other slices of cake throughout my life.