Transcript of actual events:
The Boy (sobbing uncontrollably): "Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-m! I . . . *bwa-a-a-a-a-a* . . . can't . . .
*sniff,sniff, gulp* . . . . can't find . . . . *ah-huh-huh-huh*
James With A Button (a Most Beloved Train - ed.)!"
Me (half-heartedly and fakely sobbing): "Oh, no! What can we do?"
The Boy (totally calm, no traces of sobbing): "Mom, stop. You can't be sad."
Me: "Why not?"
The Boy: "Because I'm already being sad right now!"